Anxiety is like a rocking chair...

Jody Picoult, a popular fiction author, wrote in her book Sing You Home: "Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you very far."

This is one of my favorite lines to share with clients because of how true it is. We worry because it gives us something to fill our time, but rarely does it accomplish anything. It feels like we are moving towards a solution, but we are actually staying in one place: trapped by fear. Worry gives us the false illusion that we are somehow contributing to an answer to our problems while instead we are actually letting our anxiety consume us so we cannot move forward in our lives.

Anxiety is a joy-killer, life-stealer, and a dream-snatcher. It makes us feel small, insignificant, and powerless. It can be a nuisance that follows us like a rain cloud on an otherwise sun-filled day or a deep, dark hole that we fall in to that makes it difficult to build relationships, go to our jobs, and function in our lives.*

Some things to remember about worry and anxiety:

1. Anxiety isn't always a negative thing. Sometimes anxiety can help you to recognize when things really matter to you (like the butterflies before a first date or job interview), or it can keep you focused on a challenging task (worrying about an exam may motivate you to study longer and harder). Rather than immediately assigning a negative thought to your worries or feeling personally defeated by them, ask yourself what your worries can teach you or show you about yourself or the situation.

2. Worry and anxiety are often linked to a desire to have control in situations that are truly outside of our control. The sooner we recognize and accept that we don't have control over certain circumstances in our lives, the sooner we can recognize and accept that worrying about those things will not influence the outcome either. Sometimes all you really can do is let it go (cue the Disney Frozen soundtrack...)

3. We often spend a lot of time and unnecessary energy worrying about things that never come to fruition. We worry about getting sick, getting in an accident, losing a loved one, failing a test, getting fired from a job, saying the wrong thing, looking stupid... and the list continues. In fact, one study published in Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy had participants track what they worried about and later record if those things worries came true. A whopping 85% of what the participants worried about never happened.

So when you find yourself sitting in the rocking chair of worry, remember that you have the choice to remain there or to go out in to the world. Dear friend, sometimes the hardest part is putting your feet on solid ground, standing up, and seeing life from a different perspective. You can do it. Slowly get up out of that rocking chair. Even if you have to turn on the Frozen soundtrack and belt out "Let It Go" to make that first step.

In my next article, we will look at practical ways to decrease anxiety and limit worrying.

*Author's note: If you are at the point where anxiety interferes with your every day living, you may have an anxiety disorder and benefit from talking with your doctor, a counselor, or other mental health professional.