Love is Not a Feeling, It's an Ability

One of my all time favorite movies is "Dan in Real Life" featuring Steve Carrell. It's a heartwarming comedic film about a widowed man raising three girls on his own who may find love again. I don't usually get emotional when I watch movies, but this movie makes me tear up. Every. Single. Time. There is one line that always pulls at my heart: "Love's not a feeling, it's an ability." I think marriages would be healthier and last longer if this concept would be an underlying belief in our relationships.

So often I hear couples say "I just don't feel it anymore" or "I'm not in love with him/her anymore." That would be true if love was a feeling; something you could have, lose, and find again with someone else. However, love isn't a feeling, lust is. Love is a verb, an action word, and (perhaps even most accurate) an ability.

The definition of ability from Webster's Dictionary is "a natural aptitude or an acquired proficiency." Interesting definition when you apply it to love. Some couples are just naturally good at loving one another. They hold hands every moment they can, never say a mean word about their spouse, let alone fight with each other, selflessly give of their time to benefit the other, and live out an idyllic romance story. For the rest of us who are intrinsically selfish and struggle to act loving at times, there is still hope. Loving someone well is an ability you can acquire and eventually become proficient in. Even good at. Maybe even really good at.

In future posts, I'll look at practical ways we can improve our ability to love our spouses. Right now I need to find my copy of "Dan in Real Life" and get my kleenex box out.